Keith Scott-Mumby MD, PhD
Happiness is a critical issue for Man. It touches on the subject of success. How then can we define it?
Well, it feels good; it modulates stress and fear; it seems somehow right; it brings self-worth and rationality; it has a kind of warmth and comfortableness. Beyond that, it gets increasingly hard to define. One of the questions we use in the workshops is “How do you know when you are happy?”
In other words, what does it feel like? What mental and bodily signals tell you that you are happy? Most people have never stopped to think about this. You can try and extend this description of qualities for yourself: see how many more you can come up with.
A Mechanical Definition Of Happiness
It is having all parts of one’s life in balance and harmony with all others parts, so that there are no conflicts, tensions, failures, inconsistency or confusion. Without this balance, you are often working against yourself. Have you ever had this feeling?
Corollary: rational integrated happiness and sanity are identical
Corollary: ethics defines sanity and reason and thus true happiness
Corollary: one is happy in proportion to the degree co-ordination and alignment that one can bring to different zones of responsibility and life energy.
We can break life energies up into sub-modalities or zones. This is covered more fully in my R-Zones (zones of responsibility). For the moment, the issue is harmony and integration of the parts, not what the parts should be. The message, for this part, is that you will be far happier if you learn to bring all your activities into alignment. Congruent behaviour is more rewarding and less stressful to the individual. Even to realize that one’s life has fallen into ruin and be ready to do something about it is congruence.
To not care or wish to repair the damage is not congruent; to pretend there is nothing wrong when in your heart of hearts you know all is not well— that too is not congruence. To blab and boast you are doing well as a front for failure, that too is not congruence.
To be unhappy is not congruence. To shame or humiliate yourself because of events that have taken place in your life, that is not congruent. On the other hand, to celebrate yourself, to rejoice in the life you have led so far and savour to the full the dazzling and varied array of possibilities and delights for the future. That’s true congruence!
Reach out and take hold of a wonderful new future. Starting TODAY! To fail to do so is to suffer from one or more of the loops of negative thinking described above (or all of them).
Long Term vs. Short Term Happiness
It is sometimes practical to discriminate between short-term happiness and long-term happiness. Why? Because the two things can get into conflict. Short-term issues can jeopardize long term rewards and success. Now here is a peculiar thing. It shouldn’t be so, yet it happens. It seems we (Mankind) have trouble accepting this simple observational truth, because time and time again we go for the short-term fix and jeopardize the long-range attainment of rewards and happiness.
Emotional Intelligence
The psychologists talk these days about emotional intelligence (EQ). There isn’t much to distinguish this fine-sounding variable to behavior except one important facet. Emotional intelligence means having the wits and reason to delay gratification – to wait for something better to come along. Generally those who behave stupidly and destructively do so for some short-term calculation. It is only in the fuller context the damage can be recognized. But by then it is too late; the individual couldn’t wait.
Typical short-term happiness would be that found in drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex or the supposed benefits of crime. The feelings of power, well-being, happiness and self-esteem attained in such ways are only very temporary. Generally the long-term payoffs, such as imprisonment, AIDS or early death, are a disastrous antithesis to true happiness.
Broadly speaking then, short-term happiness is a relatively poor currency. The long-term version has much more to offer the intelligent rational man or woman.
Long-term gains would come from such achievements as acquiring meaningful skills in life, helping others, a happy marriage or relationship based on romantic sexual love, solid wealth built by hard work based on giving values to others, lasting health, raising sane and productive children, personal integrity and the control of ones emotions. Note that all these fulfilments are readily seen as virtues. Note also that every single one depends on relevant knowledge.
But sex? Of course, good sex depends on knowing how to get good mutual arousal and orgasms.
Knowledge and happiness go hand in hand.
That’s where this blog comes into play!