Category Archives: love and sexuality

Waves That Thrill

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Sex is not intercourse

The moment of penetration and subsequent orgasm, for all its exquisite intensity, is but a small aspect of sex.

True sex is not merely an act but a mind process, which pervades all our conscious thinking. At times it is a faint tremor, at other moments it swells to an urgent and demanding feeling. It becomes an imperative.

There are many degrees to sex.

It rolls to and fro like a tide. High water may be the times of nakedness and caress, with tumescence and ultimate release.

But sex is there even in the ebb. It is an echo, a sigh, a fading chord which breathes its blessing on all our hours spent together.

When my love is not there, I feel the rhythm of the tide. When I know she is coming towards me, I feel the current beginning to stream. There is excitement, a tremble, vibration in the waters. I feel her before she is there. These are moments of intense anticipation that are as meaningful as the full message.

To want only the roaring high tide is to miss the beauty, the lust, the magic, which is present there at low water also. Continue reading →

Find The Love In Everything

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This has been a consistently popular piece since I first wrote it, over 10 years ago. Unbelievably, I hadn’t posted it on this site before! 

One of the greatest sayings I ever encountered and which changed my life the most at the time was that ‘True freedom is liking what you do, not doing what you like’. As a number one unruly individual who hated authority and conformity, it was a completely new way of looking at the balance between independence and involvement in life.

Peter Caddy, one of the founders of the Findhorn community in northern Scotland, was fond of quoting his Rosicrucian teacher Dr. Sullivan: ‘Learn to love the place you are in, the people you are with and the work you have to do.’ The point is of course to find something you can love about the place you are in, the people you are with and the work you are doing. Just forget the negatives and smile. This seems to me to encompass much the same philosophy.

But we can go further than that and say that everything in life becomes wonderful, worthwhile, pleasurable and meaningful if we put love into it. If you find that you cannot flow love into what you are doing, then it isn’t worth being involved with. If your task isn’t something you love doing, then it isn’t spiritually valuable to you. Continue reading →

The Learning Of Love

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You know I like to write of love, not as some arrogant and cocksure teacher, but as someone who has learned the hard way just how precious and healing this blessing truly is.

OK, this is only a lightweight piece… or is it?

I watched my youngest son shopping for a gift for someone special to him. He spent days trying to make up his mind. Being a man, his idea was that the bigger or more amazing the gift, the more intense the gesture of love. Even if it was not a question of finding the most costly gift, he still wanted something that would impress her…

Ladies: tell him!

It isn’t how big the gift, or even what the gift: it’s the gifting of the gift that wins a woman. I remember a lecture last year by John Gray (Mars and Venus guy) in which he explained, for those that didn’t get it, that giving 2 dozen roses didn’t get you any more points than giving just one rose, sweetly meant.

In fact giving just one rose 24 times was the best option, because it counted as 24 gifts; a bunch counted as only one!

But what can I tell him? I’ve been in the exact same place many times. One sweetheart (between wives) expressed a desire to play the saxophone—so I bought her one.

She never played it, to my knowledge. But when I sang her a love song, it softened her more than a king’s ransome would do!

Spanking The Monkey In Utero

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OK, let’s clear up the jargon first. “Spanking the monkey” means masturbation (mine doesn’t look much like a monkey but I kind of get it).

In utero is a Latin medical term for “in the womb”.

What? Kids masturbating before they are even born? Yes, isn’t it wildly funny?

I’ve put this more in context on my Sexuality and Mysticism page. Just to let you know there isn’t much that’s boring in this site, if anything!!

Thing is, here, we believe that sexuality and spirit go closely hand in hand. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of, or shunned. Get plenty I say. It’s good for the self-image and good to refresh needed energies.

Not for nothing the Tantric adepts believe in long, slow sex! Even in the Western tradition, sex with the priestess was often the only acknowledged way to God. Christians called the priestesses whores – but that’s just hypocritical B*S* and phoney.

God gave us sex. To me it’s holy; VERY holy.

Rehabilitating a lost love

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The guru says:

There are few secrets more craved by the mass of people than the knowledge of how to heal a broken heart, or at least how to diminish the intense hurt of losing one’s love. The most painful episodes in our lives are those when we are suffering this crushing burden and cannot seem to find relief or respite from the distress. We use grief, rage, hatred, revenge, irrational hysteria and a whole host of negative emotions to try to get us through this time. Wouldn’t it be nicer to translate the whole experience into something worthy, something comforting and reassuring? The pain of loss is diminished if we could only take our love forward in our hearts and not be hurt by it. 

What follows is something radical to help in these times of distress. Psychotherapy, grieving and abreaction are all very well in time, when the unpleasant event is in the past. But while it is present and burning us, we need something very different.

The question is:  why not simply state clearly in your mind “this is a good experience. Something has dropped out of my life and i am ready to move forward without loss, prejudice or negativity”?

The answer is, as we all know, that it just wouldn’t stick! Your mind would reject this proposition as unsound, if not downright ridiculous!

But that’s all we want to achieve. So the $64,000 question is: “What if there is a way to condition your mind to accept the idea in such a manner that it would welcome it, warm to it, believe it and use it to dictate your subsequent feelings and actions?” Now that would be something special. In fact the whole world and your view of it would change. Because there is nothing intrinsic in the universe itself that feels as you do. The world of reality cares not a jot that your lover no longer communicates with you. Only your mind tells you that that event is something disastrous and painful; change that belief and there is no longer a problem.

You would feel happier, obviously. But you would be free to rejoice in the relationship that just ended, instead of moping around and regretting it.

Love will once again find a place! Continue reading →