Category Archives: insightful psychology

The Power Of Thank You

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There is one social communication technique which is rarely used and its remarkable benefits and pleasures are only occasionally stumbled upon by chance. That is the question of acknowledgement.

Definition:

  1. Recognition of another’s existence, validity, authority, or right.
  2. An answer or response in return for something done.
  3. An expression of thanks or a token of appreciation.
  4. The act of admitting or owning to something.

When it comes to communication, that irksome phenomenon of open loops returns to trouble us as much as ever.

If we say something to another person, that fact by no means assures that we have been heard—or heard correctly.

So there is a slight mystery; an open loop. Open loops can be very distracting and hold your attention long afterwards.

There is even a scientific term for it: The Zeigarnik Effect, named after Russian psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik. It means, among other things, that the mind will cling on to things that are incomplete and won’t let them go till there is a resolution. Continue reading →

Pain Is Blocked Flow

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Tough as it is, pain has value and purpose! It is curious that people have found that the boundary between pain and pleasure is very tenuous and at times it may even disappear. Certain sexual activity can render pain a bitter-sweet stimulus and spanking, or the deeper level of so-called sado-masochism, for many individuals, is a source of much gratification, however unlikely it seems to those who do not share the bent.

On similar lines, it is simple to observe, though rarely remarked and discussed, that the movements and facial appearance of an individual at the moment of orgasm are virtually identical to someone in great pain. Even the sounds are indistinguishable from those emitted in agony (how much more appropriate to burst into song, for instance, though the idea seems passing silly).

As a doctor I have long found this pain-mockery fascinating but without any real insight into why it should be so. We are missing an understanding here which may be vital. It could be indicative of some aspect of body consciousness that has yet to be decoded and may be very helpful to the management of pain and disease.

If the dividing line between pain and pleasure is so slight then it may be possible, in the light of fuller knowledge, to push a suffering patient back over the threshold in the more favorable direction, without losing sight or control of the disease process that has heralded itself. Continue reading →

What Is Private Intelligence And Why Is It Not Intelligent?

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Private intelligence

In the case of a neurotic failure in life, a person’s reasoning may be ‘intelligent’ within his own frame of reference, but is nevertheless socially insane. The person thinks it all adds up but the rest of us don’t see the deeper context and to us, it looks nuts.

For example, a thief said: “The young man had plenty of money and I had none; therefore I took it.” Since this criminal does not think himself capable of acquiring money in the normal manner, in the socially useful way, there is actually nothing left for him but robbery. So the criminal approaches his goal through what seems to him to be an ‘intelligent’ argument; however his reason is based on private intelligence, which does not include social interest or responsibility.

A man may be solidly married but insists of endless destructive affairs, with women who have nothing to offer his career or children. He is destroying the good part of his life, being bent on something which is very foolish. In private intelligence, it’s the right thing to do. But once the wider context is added, the actions no longer make sense.

Reasoning which has general validity is broad intelligence, which is connected with a social interest and context. Whereas isolated private intelligence may seem ‘clever’ to the individual concerned but if it conflicts with social needs it is of little value.

Neurotics, psychotics, criminals, alcoholics, vandals, prostitutes, drug addicts, perverts, etc are lacking in social interest. They approach the problems of occupation, friendships and sex without the confidence that they can be solved by cooperation. Their interest stops short at their own person – their idea of success in life is self-centered, and their triumphs have meaning only to themselves. Continue reading →

Courage, Love and Integrity

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What Are The Elements Of A Good Life?

A few years ago I had to attend a road traffic accident. It was a dark and dirty November night; two young women had been struck by a taxi and were lying unconscious in the road. Bystanders hung around, shocked, scared, uncertain what to do.

The dismal rain made this a scene of horror and chill. It was unnerving.

Kneeling on the road to help, I was soon drenched with cold rain and shivering until my teeth rattled. Warm sticky blood soaked into my clothes, as I worked on the most critical of the two victims, anxiously awaiting the ambulance. In the poor visibility, my own safety was not assured as unheeding traffic thundered past mere inches away.  I was constantly splashed with icy cold rainwater.

Somehow a brush with death, not necessarily one’s own, is a moment for considering the worth of what one is doing. Fate herself seemed to step out of the darkness and speak. It was a simple clear message which only a fool could fail to grasp:

How we waste our fragmentary and precious lives.

True, I have seen people die many times on the hospital wards. But in a sense that which we see on the wards is a different kind of death to the one which hovered close by in the dismal rain that night. Somehow this was more immediate; – challenging us, as it did right there on the street, mixed up with our ordinary everyday lives. The finger of doom pointed accusatively at two young women. But it pointed at me too…

For there is always that universal reproachful question importuning in all such moments: am I doing the best I can with every moment of this fragile life–truly?

Let us firm these suspicions of inadequacy into neatly phrased, if accusative, questions:

Have we done the best we can with others? (our family, friends, neighbors and strangers) Is there anything that should, at the last, be UN-done? Many of us would like to be remembered fondly for our best achievement; but what if we were remembered solely for our worst act in life—what impression would we leave behind on history?

Are we up to date with our duties? Or have we been shirking those things we KNOW we must do, putting them off for some other more comfortable time that would suit ourselves and not those around us?

Perhaps we can put it all into the one question, most awful of all:

If we knew our last moments were at hand, is there anything we would wish to change?

I know I thought about it again and again in the ensuing days. Continue reading →

Motivation, Purpose and Rewards

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What we think about motivation and rewards may be totally wrong!

I don’t know about you but I was brought up on the rewards and penalties thing: reward what’s good and punish what’s bad, you’ll propel it towards good stuff. O yeah! Well that turns out to be total hocus pocus. Another of what I call “Hoaxes” (“Everybody knows that…” sort of thing).

To find out the truth, revealed by repeated scientific studies, not opinion, get a gander at this video.

Perfect and Eternal Memory

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Would total recall be a curse or a boon? I ask because a recent book “Total Recall: How the eMemory revolution will change everything” started me thinking.

100% memory, in the form of digital files and images, perhaps enhanced by newer as-yet-undiscovered sensors, will be with us soon. This is a given part of the techno-revolution we are living through.

The book has a glowing introduction by Bill Gates and it all seems to take the point of view this is a good thing. But is it?

Even if we wished to, we may not be able to forget. Because you get the stuff beaten out of you at school for forgetting doesn’t mean all forgetting is bad! We have to filter some of our impressions, otherwise we would go into overload.

In fact, as I have written elsewhere, we have to selectively (and wisely) UN-remember certain things just to function at all. We have naturally in-built mechanisms to do this for us. Who can foresee what will happen if we forecefully override these mechanisms?

Anyway, who cares about out past, except us? Isn’t it just vanity; to believe that our little lives, of all those in history, are the ones that really matter? That we should be preserved, when greats such as St. Thomas Aquinas, Buddha and Beethoven have no “substance” of their selves and lives left behind?

Why would our kids and grandkids want to know all our stuff? They should be getting on with their own lives and living fully in the stream of progress of the human condition.

By chance, another review from the same writer looked at the opposite book. It’s title is “Delete: The virtue of forgetting in the digital age”. Continue reading →